Covering video games, and especially streamers, I have seen a lot of apology videos. I have not seen many sincere ones.Asmongold’sfelt like an exception to the rule. Rather than focus specifically on the minutiae of his phrasing, or look to external factors, or ramble towards justification (as these videos often do),he was more humble and introspectivethan I thought he was capable of. The apology, quite simply, was ‘I have become a nasty person’. His exact words were “mean-spirited” and “psychopathic”. It felt like a turning point. I still hope it is.
Many people initially reacted just like me - surprised, and perhaps hopeful. He really seemed to mean it. Thenhe went to his Reddit page and posted a different sort of apology. One specifically for his more dedicated fans, and one therefore aimed at their level. It shared the hallmarks of those insincere apologies I have grown accustomed to. Rather than engage with the fact his words came from a place of shifting himself into a “mean-spirited” place, either for audience engagement or caused by his increasingly negative echo-chamber within gaming, he instead explained the ban was for saying something “retarded”, which is exactly the sort of dismissive tone I would have expected him to take, had I expected him to apologise at all.
Which Asmongold Apology Was Real?
For a lot of people, that’s that. His to-camera, very real feeling apology, was actually the fake one. But I’m not so sure. I admit, Asmongold has not earned the benefit of the doubt, and any and all onlookers are perfectly within their rights to say they’ll only believe he’s changed when they see it. But I want to hope for the good. I don’t really care if Asmongold deserves it. I deserve it. We deserve it. I want to live in a world where people can experience lasting change for the better.
There’s no denying theRedditapology was a total tonal reverse from the YouTube apology. It had the air of ‘sorry bros, they banned me for something stupid, but I’ll be back, you can’t stop me!’, which again, is exactly the tone I expected him to strike. He says he’ll be making a “DEI = DIE video” on his first day back. Maybe he will, and maybe he won’t. There’s no doubt this undercuts his YouTube apology somewhat. But then the question is, why make it at all?
He was under no obligation to issue a more sincere, heartfelt apology that addressed his behaviour and emotional state beyond the specific ban. We can say he was just faking it for sympathy or approval, but that lacks logic - he doesn’t care what we think. Playing to his base, as he did on Reddit, that’s something he needs to do to keep his viewership up. Admitting to feeling like a bad person was not required.
What Prompted Asmongold’s Apology?
Asmongold wasbanned because of his comments on the Israel/Palestine war. Not because of any firm political stance he took, but because of the (increasingly typical) dehumanising language he used, calling Palestinians “an inferior culture in all ways”. This brings me to an overlooked part of his apology video - how embarrassed he was about it.
In his video, he explains that several Muslims and people of Palestinian descent connected with him after the comments, and his subsequent ban, to see how he was doing. He admitted that to have people whose entire life and heritage he had dismissed as worthless still want to reach out to him as a brother felt “absolutely humiliating”.
That, to me, was the biggest part of this video. More than committing to cleaning his room, which shows some personal growth, more than fronting up that what he said was “disgusting” instead of hiding behind excuses and the complexity of the conflict. He felt embarrassed that he had shown himself to be a very small person, and those he had mocked were so much bigger for reaching across the aisle.
Where Does Asmongold Go From Here?
Asmongold doesn’t necessarily need to change his politics to be a better person. That’s because I’m not entirely sure if he has any politics. I know what he doesn’t like, which coincidentally seems to be in lockstep with the talking points of the Gamergate movement (hencethe immediate reference to a DEI video). But I don’t know what he actually likes. What he stands for. I don’t think he does. He doesn’t need to come back and say “Actually yes, Hasan is right about everything and from now on 50 percent of my earnings will go to progressive grassroots activism” to be a better person. He just needs to not hate everything that he sees.
It’s interesting that, when alone with his thoughts, we saw a different Asmongold. I hesitate to say ‘the real’ - people are who they show you they are. But while he’s on camera every day, he also has a stimuli and cheering crowd for company. This time it was just him, and we saw something much more raw. On Reddit, talking to his fans, he sounds like he usually does. Perhaps, by the same logic, that is in fact ‘the real’ Asmongold.
When you try to change your ways but keep the same circle of friends, you can get pulled back into the same patterns. Asmongold is not different just because he makes a lot of money playing video games. He seems to have had an epiphany, but also seems to struggle with his convictions to avoid falling back into old habits. Maybe he hasn’t earned it, and I don’t blame anyone for not trusting him, but I am rooting for him to change. Gaming could use a better Asmongold than it has as a role model for anyone else lost down this rabbit hole to know that change is possible.
