We could debate long into the night about who the best games journalist is. Would it be one of the founders of our digital fourth estate like Jeff Gerstmann? A top-notch reporter like Rebekah Valentine? A major name and big-time story breaker like Jason Schreier? Folks, don’t worry. I have the answer. It’s me. And I have the receipts to prove it, courtesy ofSuper Mario Party Jamboree.
This is not the first time I have proved this theory. I say ‘theory’, but really it’s a truth I hold to be self-evident.Big Brain Academy: Brain vs. Brain also provided evidence for my cause, in much the same way. You see, both Brain and Mario have a ranked leaderboard for the high scores of players all around the world. In Big Brain Academy, I played this mode enough and defeated the intellects of enough of my fellow journalists with review codes that I attained the rank of first in the world. With Jamboree, I have repeated the trick. Hold your applause.
Jamboree’s Ranked Leaderboard Lets You Compete Against Friends
There are a variety of ways you’re able to get ranks in Jamboree, from lasting the longest in Survival to winning the most points in Koopathon. But what I’m talking about here are the individual minigames. Just you and the voice in your head saying, “Winning is forever and second is just the first loser”. This rank is what truly matters when it comes to judging a greatMario Partyplayer. Nay, a great journalist. And not just because it’s the only ranking which puts me at number one. Not at all.
If there were one game I were to choose to best summarise Super Mario Party Jamboree,it would be Tiny Triathlon. Again, not just because it’s the only one where I rank first. Not at all. Cold Front, where I’m second in the world, is also pretty good. Domination, where I sit in a lowly 32nd, is clearly a game for fools and rapscallions, not worthy of the Mario Party name.
Tiny Triathlon is a mix of wit, ingenuity, speed, class, intelligence, grace, beauty, and all other virtues. First, you must rock your Joy-Con back and forth to swim, then spin it around to ride a bike, and finally swing it up to jump over hurdles. My time of 18.72 seconds currently stands at the world’s best, and if anyone gets faster than that, they’ve hacked the game and are cheating.
Tiny Triathlon Is Jamboree’s Standout Game
The motion minigames are the ones that best channel the spirit of Mario Party, even if earlier games lacked them by technological necessity. And even if it weren’t for my Usain Boltian performance at this one, a motion game that uses three different actions in a thematically connected race is a stellar idea.
Jamboree is leaning into online connectivity, which is why some of the solo modes feel out of place - you’re not meant to play them alone, or even with another friend in the same room, but challenge yourself with players across the globe. The general clunkiness of both the games andNintendo’sconnectivity means I suspect Jamboree will struggle with this ambition, but the Global Ranking will provide a constant source of competition - especially as you can also check out your friends' score on their leaderboards too.
So you see, clearly, I am the best games journalist in the world. Perhaps not a founding member of the industry. Perhaps not a legendary reporter. Perhaps even, as the slings and arrows and social media comment sections accuse me of, not even a good critic. But have no doubt - I am the best journalist at moving my hands up and down like I’m riding a tiny bicycle. And really, isn’t that truly what everyone dreams of?
