Balatro, the hit indie poker game that was released in February, quickly became an obsession for me. Applying roguelike elements to poker is an incredibly engrossing prospect, and adding in bosses with special constraints and Jokers with bonus rules makes for a deeper experience than anyone could have expected. Nine months later, it’s still the best game that I’ve played this year.
I’d just about weaned myself off the occasional lunchtime run when developer LocalThunk announceda crossover with The Witcher 3, Dave the Diver, Among Us, and Vampire Survivors. Sure enough, I was drawn back in. It’s an interesting phenomenon to see so many indie games (andhalf-indie Dave the Diver) crossover with each other to extend their lifespan and keep themselves in the minds of the public for longer, but The Witcher especially surprised me.
While CD Projekt Red is technically independent, it’s an enormous studio with offices across the world that pushes out multi-million dollar triple-A titles. It doesn’t gain anything from a crossover with Balatro. That’s besides the point, though. This crossover got me back into the poker ‘em up, and I spent yet more hours of my life crafting combos, only this time my cards had Geralt’s face.
And now Balatro is on mobile. It makes perfect sense. The game works beautifully on mobile devices, and the port has been adapted perfectly for touchscreen controls. Press and hold to remind yourself of card effects. Drag cards over to combine them with Arcana. It feels natural. The problem is, now I have easier access to Balatro than ever before.
I played most of my PC Balatro on the Steam Deck. It’s a great device to just pick up and play one more run that turns into two more runs that turns into three more runs, but it’s a little too bulky to take everywhere with me. For sitting on the sofa, the toilet, or in bed? Perfect. Long journeys? Great, while the battery lasts. Commuting on the train? Slightly too big.
I take my phone everywhere with me, however. It’s always in my pocket and, while I try not to doomscroll through social media too much, I always have it blaring music or audiobooks through my headphones. And now, I have Balatro.
I don’t want to tell you how many hours I’ve spent playing Balatro on my phone since it was released on the platform. To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t even count. Writing this article was difficult, because I loaded up the game to get screenshots and played a couple of runs before getting back to writing.
I’m pushing Two Pair and Spades on this run. It’s going well.
Balatro just works so well. On myHonor Magic V3, I play unfolded and the screen feels even bigger (albeit squarer) than that of my Steam Deck. Plus, the battery on these Honor devices is exemplary, and lasts far longer than my Deck; perfect for long journeys.
It’s also a refreshing mobile experience. Even games like Tetris have microtransactions now, and I can’t play anything without having to wait for timers to reset or counters to tick over. The most simple games have monetisation baked in, which makes the seven pounds I paid for Balatro seem like even more of a steal.
But I worry that having such easy access to Balatro may ruin my life. Not in the sense that I’ll waste all my money on it (I’ve been there before with FIFA Ultimate Team and Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Links), but that I’ll never play another game again. I’m looking forward to checking out plenty more games before 2024 is out, but why would I craft my perfect character in Dragon Age: The Veilguard when I could be playing Balatro? Why try any of the new demos in Steam Next Fest if I could pull out my phone to attempt to unlock that final Joker?
At this point, I’m not only worried that Balatro will ruin my free time, I’m worried it will ruin my career. I’m worried my daughter will think of Jimbo as more of a father figure than me. I don’t know how to escape this spiral of torment. I see Jimbo’s smile in my dreams, or are they nightmares? I know what I have to do. But before I throw my phone into the Mersey, I’ll play one last round. Last one. Honest.
