I write a lot of silly stuff at TheGamer. The nature of writing a lot of things means sometimes you write things just to amuse yourself. We had a short-lived column about designing the opposite of video games, and I wrote aboutBurnout, But You Play As The Road. I’ve got a list full of articles like that. After England beat Switzerland, I imaginedwhich gaming heroes would take the best penalties. But I never pitched a shooter that is also a Britney Spears music video. And I should have, because that’s exactly whatIncolatus: Don’t Stop, Girlypopoffers.
I like to think of myself as being fairly immune to nostalgia in gaming. Years of often soulless remakes and remasters mining the depths of my childhood to extract cash from my grown-up pockets have left me cold to the idea of games looking to profit off the past. But Incolatus, as a fresh indie game channeling this imagery purely for the love of the game, has won me over.
No Game Has Ever Been More Pink Than Incolatus
It takes me back to the days of T9, Dollz Mania, and Doodle Bears. If you’re too young to know what any of that means, ask your parents and also I hate you. It’s a loud, sickeningly pink explosion of glitter and gloss, all cranked up as fast as it can go like when you watch the grey bars whizz over a VHS you’re rewinding. I’ve not seen video games, or even movies or television, tackle with earnest love this cringe era of brightly coloured hair wraps we’re content to collectively memory hole.
Incolatus: Don’t Stop, Girlypop hasone of those rare trailers that needs to be seen to be believed. And not because it looks so amazing - I think it looks great, but a large part of that is personal taste. It needs to be seen because it is so recklessly dated. It feels less like nostalgia and more like someone found this in an attic where it has been locked away since 2003. It’s bold and bodacious and, while gaming is more inclusive now than it was 20 years ago (when I still suspect this game might have been made), there are few that are so unashamedly girly.
I don’t mean that it’s ‘for women,’ or ‘feminist,’ or ‘progressive,’ or any other intellectualisation you might want to apply to it in order to elevate your preferences. This is Lip Smacker, Pink Razr, Lisa Frank, glitter gel pen girly. It embraces the vapid frivolity that defined the early to mid noughties. If I wanted to sound smart and culturally educated I might call it an attempt to capture the freedom of excess in the style of Brat summer. But Incolatus: Don’t Stop, Girlypop is not Brat. It is unfiltered, original, authentic Oops!…. I Did It Again.
Incolatus' Y2K Charm Is Bratz, Not Brat
A single-player arena movement shooter, it sees a mysterious messenger communicate with you via a flip phone and tasks you with killing your enemies with kindness… and with bullets. A nauseating burst of speed, the game gives you added power and health the faster you go, and feels reminiscent of a somehow more over the top version of Neon White’s traversal. It’s Cruelty Squad for people who still call her Xtina.
In the past, sometimes as part of the ‘yeah sure that counts as writing’ articles I do, I’velamented the lack of a true Barbie game.Fashion Dreamerwasfar too modern and emptyas an influencer sim, and whilePrincess Peach Showtimegotclose with its dress-up vibes, that was too clean cut and regimented.Infinity Nikkiis next in line to (hopefully not) disappoint me, butas eager as I am for it, I worry it looks a little too airy for my trashy tastes.
Incolatus: Don’t Stop, Girlypop is not airy. It’s the pink sugar rush that I’m picturing when I demand hopelessly at the sky that someone make a decent Barbie game. It’s actually beyond Barbie, it’s more like if you gave Bratz guns. Why have we never had a game where the Bratz get guns? Why aren’t all games just Bratz with guns? Incolatus: Don’t Stop, Girlypop has a nebulous ‘coming soon’ date, so we could be waiting a while to find out, but I’ll be first in line when it drops. It’s like the iPod Shuffle all over again.
