What’s your favorite thing to do in a video game? Was your answer reading? Despite what some cruel grade school classmates might have said, you’re actually in good company there, especially if you enjoy theDragon Ageseries.
Dragon Age, along with other BioWare games, loves to flesh out its lore and characters through optional notes and tidbits featured in its codex system. But aside from making a gloriously nerdy hobby even nerdier, these codex entries can also provide some straight-up hilarious moments you might have entirely missed.
8Fennec
What better way to express the cuteness of one ofDragon Age’s most pet-worthy creaturesthan to hear what a spoiled rich kid has to say about it? The folks at BioWare knew this well when writing the main codex entry forDragon Age: Inquisition’s most snuggly little guys, the fennecs.
The codex is a letter written by pampered teen Habren Bryland to her father, Arl Leonas Bryland, begging for a pet fennec, and she pulls out all the stops including flattery and desperate claims of how well she’ll take care of her new fuzzy friend. Maker help the poor critter who ends up in her care.
When I get mine I will feed it only nice things. Like cake. And pearls. Please please please send someone to catch one. I really need one right now. Ruby wants company. It’s not my fault Primmie and Bobble broke. Don’t believe anything Eileen says.
7How To Act Fereldan
What does it mean to be from Fereldan? Well, according to this codex entry, chaos. Ask Cullen about his background in Dragon Age: Inquisition and you’ll get some extra lore in the form of a letter from a teacher to his former employer about some Fereldan history and folklore he was teaching his employer’s daughter. “Former” is the important term here.
The letter entails an apology by Brother Bernard for teaching the youngOrlesian noble Lady Marchellette about Fereldan culture, resulting in some unfortunate incidents. This includes everything from her drawing smutty pictures of Fereldan heroes to bounding around the family mansion dressed as a wet werewolf.
I’m afraid that’s why Marchellette was running through the mansion, wearing wet furs and frightening the chambermaids. She was rehearsing a scene in which Hafter drives back the darkspawn. I’ve been informed that some priceless family heirlooms were destroyed amidst all that confusion, and I cannot fully express my dismay.
6Correspondence Interruptus
If you’ve dug deep into the side quests ofDragon Age: Origins, you might recall a certain one called Correspondence Interruptus which tasks you with intercepting some rather incriminating love letters between various individuals. But if you haven’t read the letters themselves, you’ve missed out.
The writers enjoyed themselves here, because reading the codex associated with the quest reveals some of the game’s funniest lines. Containing the cadence and wit of a gravestone at Disney’s Haunted Mansion, these letters may require a thesaurus to understand at times, but they’re worth it.
My darling Reginald,
I burn for you and because of you. Please use the enclosed tincture if our love is to endure.
-Sarie
5Plants Vs. Corpses
Every video game seems like it needs to reference another at least once. BioWare games have been good at that withoutoverstuffing themselves with Easter eggs, and this particular one calling back to the Plants vs. Zombies games is a great example, so much that PvZ developer PopCap returned the favor with their spin on the Dragon Age: Inquisition cover art.
In Inquisition, finding a certain small farm in the Crestwood region reveals an oddly familiar tableau with a line of sunflowers facing several defeated undead. The note found nearby details of the events that led up to this moment as told by a rather unstable individual who may or may not be full of it.
The resulting garden warfare saw corpses armored with buckets and doors as makeshift helmets and shields battling possessed fruits and vegetables who spat seeds, constructed makeshift fortifications, and even chomped entire corpses whole.
4Storvacker
Storvacker gets her codex entry as opposed to the other bears in Dragon Age: Inquisition and she deserves it. The Avvar whom she lives alongside as their hold beast seem to agree, but nobody so much as the outsider Reginald de Gorge who wrote this particular entry as part of a book about the Avvar.
The whole thing is structured like the classic Chuck Norris jokes, making bold claims about what Reginald had heard of Storvacker’s exploits. This includes how she apparently sells her own fur to be used in Val Royeaux crafting and sharpens her claws only on “two ancient elven trees.” Who knew a bear could be bougie?
One time, she met Alistair Therein, fabled warrior of the Fifth Blight, and he told her she was pretty.
One time, she clawed me in the face. It was amazing.
Plants vs. Zombies isn’t theonly fellow EA-owned propertyto gain a shoutout from Dragon Age. The games have referenced BioWare’s other flagship series Mass Effect more than a few times, but this codex entry always manages to inspire a few chuckles in those who aren’t expecting it.
On a broken bridge in the Deep Roads in Dragon Age: Origins, you may find a note detailing some various scratchings made by dwarves in a makeshift elevator. It references everything from the title Mass Effect itself to the name of its hero, Commander Shepard. But those familiar with that series will appreciate its snarky nod to Mass Effect’s legendarily slow elevators.
Should have specified “within my lifetime.”
“How’s a dwarf get named Shepard?”
2The Very Private Diary Of Sandal Feddic, DO NOT READ!!!!
BioWare must have felt the need to throw players a bone after everyone’s favorite autistic-coded enchantment savant Sandal was nowhere to be seen in Dragon Age: Inquisition. After being a standout NPC in Dragon Age: Origins andDragon Age 2, it almost felt like losing an old friend.
So when theexcellent Dragon Age DLCTrespasser came out, fans were quick to notice a certain journal hidden in the Shattered Library. Its contents were pretty much exactly what you might expect if you know Sandal, a young dwarf of few words but many booms.
Enchantment! Enchantment. Enchantment?
1Hard In Hightown
While some codex entries serve to flesh out the lore or just the world itself, Hard in Hightown has one purpose: to tell a gritty cop story right out of the 80s. Yes, Varric’s most popular series of books are all yours to read, provided you may find all 18 chapters in Dragon Age: Inquisition.
While it’s truly funny at times, the humor largely comes less from laugh-out-loud moments and more from seeing every real-world cliche you can imagine in the Dragon Age 2 setting of Kirkwall. Cool and/or cringy one-liners? Check. Two weeks from retirement? Check. There’s also an extra chapter found in Trespasser’s Shattered Library that may or may not be fanfic written by a spirit.
The Dragon’s Jewels was a big boat. She liked big boats. The pointy bits towered majestically over the water. That roundish wooden part seemed like it could crush armadas beneath its… s**t, I don’t know, wood. It was the greatest boat in the history of boats.
